It sounds ludicrous to suggest a strategy for parents that would drive their child out of a sport. Why would any parent knowingly try to push their child to quit competing in a sport, especially given all the time, effort, and sacrifices families make?

As parents, we desperately desire for our children to succeed in school, athletics, and life. It is why parents buy them the best equipment they can afford, taxi them to and from practice, sign them up for private lessons, hire strength and conditioning coaches, seek dietary advice from nutritionists, send them to clinics, and pay expensive team and competition fees. We want our children to have every advantage possible.

Despite our best intentions, we can sometimes unwittingly sabotage our young athlete’s advancement and success in sports. Parents’ over-involvement can do more harm than good at times. This is a tough pill for many parents to swallow.

However, suppose we gain an understanding of how we impact our children through our actions, words, and behavior. In that case, we learn to help our young athletes create a healthy, positive, and successful athletic experience.

In the sports media, we hear many inspiring stories of Olympians and professional athletes who were pushed from an early age and earned gold medals, championships, and million-dollar contracts. The narratives seemingly provide a proven methodology for athletic accomplishment, and since you want your child to experience similar success, it seems like a road map worth following.

NEWS FLASH… Many of those elite athletes may not have succeeded as a result of that parental push but despite the added pressure from their parents.

What you don’t hear are the countless stories of athletes who underachieved, burned out, quit, or hated competing due to excessive parental pressure.

The purpose of this article is not to make parents feel bad about their actions. The sacrifices you make for your child are commendable, and your intentions and caring should be applauded.

I am merely suggesting a different approach may give you the result you are looking for without the stress and conflict.

Parenting Strategies to Foster Success in Young Athletes

1. Be a cheerleader, not a fear-leader – Temper your expectations. If your child feels they MUST achieve a certain standard to PLEASE you or EARN your love, they will be anxious while competing, make more mistakes, underperform, and develop negative feelings about themselves. Being afraid to disappoint will also drive a wedge between you and your child.
2. Celebrate successes rather than pointing out mistakes – Highlighting successes will help build confidence in your child and show them you notice their progress.
3. Place the onus on your child – Ask your child to identify their athletic or seasonal goals and what support they need to do to accomplish their objectives. Remember, THEIR goals should be THEIR goals and not YOUR wishes.
4. Nudge, don’t push – Excessively high expectations lead to fear and anxiety, not accomplishment and fulfillment. Look for unique ways and personal methods to motivate your child.
5. Listen more, preach less – Listening to your children helps strengthen your bond. Children feel valued when listened to, which helps validate their feelings during a crisis. You can and should express yourself, but try to do so in a non-threatening, non-intimidating manner. Healthy communication will help build their self-worth, self-esteem, independence, and confidence.
6. Let the coach coach – Watching your child compete is exciting and fun. However, coaching from the sidelines should be avoided at all costs. Even after a competition, you may be tempted to analyze your child’s performance, but allowing the coach to do their job is best. Even though your suggestions and concerns may be valid, young athletes may negatively interpret your feedback as criticism.
7. Know your child – Your child has a unique personality. To guide your child effectively, pay attention to how they respond to their circumstances. Consider your child’s temperament when helping them navigate their athletic journey.
   

You can still express your thoughts and concerns to help your child along their athletic journey. The key is to do so in a healthy, productive manner. Support and unconditional love foster fulfillment, resilience, athletic achievement, and success outside of sports.

“Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first.”
(Matthew Jacobson)